No, I was actually worrying about the future, my mind totally disengaged from the soothing treatment my body was experiencing.
Until the Lord whacked me up the side of my head . . .
"Child," He gently rebuked me. "You are missing out on this wonderful blessing your husband has provided you by fretting about stuff that's never going to happen. Why can't you stop worrying about tomorrow and experience the grace I give you for each day? When do you think you'll get a lavender massage again? Maybe you should try enjoying it!"
I took a deep breath, letting the lavender-misted air fill my senses, then switched the channel of my thoughts from the future back to the moment. I exhaled and relaxed deeply, determined to soak up the experience with ounce of my being.
My mind finally quieted, I listened to the instrumental worship music playing softly in the background and thanked the Lord for my life. I enjoyed the gentle rhythm of the masseuse's hands and prayed God's blessing on her. I worshiped silently when familiar songs played . . . and even dozed off a few times. At one point, an essay, written by my friend Paul Young, came to mind. (I had to look it up on his blog to get the words right, so here is the copy and pasted version:)
A couple of years ago, I decided to stop ‘future tripping’. ‘Future Tripping’ is ‘taking thought for tomorrow’, it is creating imaginations of what is going to happen and then actually take a mental and emotional trip to live there for a bit. . . .I have experienced many un-realities and their attendant emotions this way.
I have repeatedly suffered huge financial losses, ended up living under one of the city bridges, been abandoned by my family, suffered the loss of each of my children, had my closest friends turn out to be villains, embarrassed myself in public, was put on the spot and said something stupid, been to my own funeral (more than once), unsuccessfully tried to stop something horrible from happening, failed repeatedly to live up to somebody’s expectations, been horribly maimed in every kind of imaginable accident known to man, lost all my teeth, lost every job I ever had, came down with every disease possible, regularly looked like an idiot, got my lights punched out for no reason, explained my driving to a police officer, lost my friends, went to school and found out I wasn’t wearing anything, got mugged, imagined the situation that I currently was in was permanent…that nothing could ever or would ever change…
I have written volumes of imaginations in my own head, things that have no substance, no reality, and are empty, vain imaginations. But I treat them as if they are real. I feel all kinds of terrifying and horrible emotions, and scramble to control my life so that these imaginations won’t actually come to pass. THESE IMAGINATIONS ARE NOT REAL!!!! GOD DOES NOT DWELL IN ANYTHING THAT IS NOT REAL!!!
So in my ‘vain’ empty imaginations, I am the only ‘god’ there is. I have to fix things, make sure things turn out right, try to get a handle on people and events…and frankly, I do a very poor job of it…this playing god thing. So, my life tended to be gripped by fear and I worked hard to get some ‘control’ to prevent these imaginations that I feared. I had a habit of treating something that had no reality or substance as if it were truly real.
Today is where Papa dwells with me; today is where ‘eternity’ intersects my life, and even when I get to tomorrow, it is still ‘today’ when I get there Do I make plans for tomorrow? Sure, but they are held loosely and with an open hand…and I don’t live there. I live in his present(ce), which is TODAY.
Good stuff! I came away from the massage, my skin softened by the lavender oils--and my heart softened by joy. Honestly, yesterday was the first day in ages where depression didn't rear it's nasty head. And I'm entering today, not knowing what it holds, but knowing that He is with me in my present reality. And His grace is enough for each day . . .